D. Dagger Presents...

D. Dagger Presents...is Dead

2005-12-10T21:35:00.000-08:00

The time has come to end D. Dagger Presents...Have no fear because the fun continues over at The Black Angel's Death Song, my new MP3 blog with the occasional disturbing artwork and what not. I've been doing this blogging thing for almost a year now and learned the following:
1. I rather do a MP3 blog
2. Personal banter gets old and unless your Hugh Hefner, nobody cares about your day to day bullshit.
3. Naming your blog D. Dagger Presents... was a pretty egocentric thing to do. That's like naming your band Danzig or something.
4. Now that I don't have time to blog at work, I find I can only do updates on Sunday nights after The Family Guy.

It's been fun kids...

Just Like Herpes, I'm the Sore that Keeps on Coming Back!!

2005-11-12T19:24:00.000-08:00

Now Playing- "~~Carry Me~~" by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

So there are these apartments that overlook our condo and I heard some people laughing in their living room and just having an overall good time last night. Their cheer and joy echoed throughout our courtyard and the only thing going through my head was, "Man, what I wouldn't do for a grenade right about now". Just the idea of tossing an explosive into their apartment made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. If I didn't have a baby on the way, who knows what kind of mischief I would have gotten into...
My daughter- "Mama, where's daddy?"
My wife- "Daddy's some man's bitch in the big house honey."
My daughter- "Why is daddy's some man's bitch?"
My wife- " 'Cause he done fucked up and blew up some people"

Here's something else that's making me feel the love as of late; that last Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds record, Abattoir Blues/ The Lyre of Orpheus. There's so much shit out right now, it's nice when a record so uplifting and real comes along. This has been on constant rotation for over a month now. I like the Lyre CD slightly better than Abattoir, but both are peachy in their own way. The gospel choir reminds me of Spiritualized and there ain't nothing wrong with that.

It appears Nick found "god", and I can sort of relate. I mean, I haven't found god (and believe me I even looked under the fridge), but my years of atheist beliefs are starting to shift to agnostic. I simply just don't know if there's a higher force or not. Too many varibles involved. Too many contridictions....anyhoo, go ahead and download these 2 songs off of The Lyre of Orpheus, and I'm going to watch that Documusical, DIG!

I never got into the Dandy Warhols and I think the Brian Jonestown Massacre had their moments, so what the hell! I got some time on my hands and it's better than what the wife is watching....Monster-in-Law!!!! The girl ain't right.

Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds- Carry Me mp3

Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds- O Children mp3

Another Pagan Holiday the Christians Stole

2005-10-31T00:00:00.000-08:00

Now Playing: "~~Halloween~~" by The Misfits (1981)

HALLOWEEN mp3

Bonfires burning bright

Pumpkin faces in the night

I remember Halloween

Dead cats hanging from poles

Little dead are out in droves

I remember Halloween

Brown leafed vertigo

Where skeletal life is known

I remember Halloween

This day anything goes

Burning bodies hanging from poles

I remember Halloween

Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween

Candy apples and razor blades

Little dead are soon in graves

I remember Halloween

This day anything goes

Burning bodies hanging from poles

I remember

Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween

Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween

HALLOWEEN II mp3

Formulae ueteres exorsismorum et excommunicationum

Strigas et fictos lupos credere

Daemon pellem lupinam

In trunco quodam cauae

Arboris occultandum

Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween

Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween

Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween

Metamorphoses lycanthropie

Possunt inquam

Metamorphoses lycanthropie

Possunt inquam

Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween

Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween

The above is nonstandard Latin. Translation:

     "Ancient formulas of exorcisms and excommunications

      that witches and those made wolves believe

      I maim now the demon clothed in wolfskin

      Having to hide in the hollow of a tree

      I believe that they so can be changed."

It’s Great Work-Out Music

2005-10-23T09:12:00.000-07:00

Now Playing: "~~Wasted Again~~" by Turbonegro

After a little spat with the wife I decided to grab 3 shit CD’s and head to Amoeba to sell them. Once there I got $13 in store credit, just enough for 1 record. I knew it had to count…didn’t wanna waste it on a reissue or EP. Unfortunately I didn’t have my list with me and subsequently my mind went blank. So I searched the used bins for awhile and came across some worthy contenders, that is, until I remembered that there was a huge gapping hole in the “T” section of my collection. I knew what I had to buy….

I was hoping Turbonegro’s new disc, Party Animals, was going to be a return to Apocalypse Dudes and less like Scandinavian Leather (which wasn’t bad, just not as good as their previous efforts). Well, it seems Party Animals is a mix of both albums- 50% punk rock n’ roll terror + 50% glam rock horror, but all with a Norwegian twist. Anyway, I like it more than Scandinavian Leather and Epitaph are a bunch of ass clowns for not releasing it. Luckily for us, Abacus Recordings stepped in to spread the new gospel of Turbonegro all across America. I guess the band wasn’t moving enough units for those “punk rock” executives at Epitaph…’cause you know it’s all about the numbers. Fuck ‘em.

Anyway, the CD comes with a DVD of singer Hank Von Helvete showing us how to work out in the gym. Yeah, that was kind of amusing, but I think a DVD with new Turbonegro videos and gay sex acts would have been money better spent. Save that work out crap for the website.

Download: Wasted Again mp3

Past Turbonegro posts:
All My Friends Are Dead
High on the Crime

Tournament of Hearts

2005-10-16T20:36:00.000-07:00

Now Playing: "~~Love in Fear~~" by The Constantines

Just a quick post on the new Constantines album, Tournament of Hearts. I think their last record was fantastic and from what I hear this new one won't bum anyone out. Is that really the album art? It's almost as bad as that pink Sunny Day Real Estate record. I guess the terrorists won...Check out Sub Pop's record release page here, where you can also download the song that's currently seducing your virgin ears. Check them out when they come through your township. Here in L.A. they're playing at the BRADLEY INTERNATIONAL HALL...never heard of it, but it sounds charming....Oops, there's a low buzzing noise outside, gotta go.

Oct 12 - Edmonton, AB POWER PLANT
Oct 14 - Vancouver, BC RICHARD'S ON RICHARDS
Oct 15 - Seattle, WA NEUMO'S
Oct 16 - Portland, OR BERBATIS
Oct 17 - Eugene, OR WOW HALL
Oct 19 - San Francisco, CA GREAT AMERICAN MUSIC HALL
Oct 20 - Los Angeles, CA BRADLEY INTERNATIONAL HALL
Oct 22 - San Diego, CA CASBAH
Oct 23 - Tucson, AZ PLUSH
Oct 25 - Denver, CO LAMIER LOUNGE
Oct 27 - Columbia, MO MOJO'S
Oct 28 - Chicago, IL LOGAN'S SQUARE
Oct 30 - Minneapolis, MN FIRST AVENUE
Nov 01 - Detroit, MI ST ANDREWS
Nov 02 - Toronto, ON OPERA HOUSE
Nov 03 - Montreal, QC LA SALLA ROSA
Nov 05 - Boston, MA MIDDLE EAST
Nov 06 - New York, NY BOWERY
Nov 08 - Brighton, UK CONDORDE
Nov 09 - Bristol, UK FLEECE
Nov 10 - Nottingham, UK RESCUE ROOMS
Nov 11 - Glasgow, ORAN MOR
Nov 12 - Leeds, UK COCKPIT

www.constantines.ca

Lazy Sunny Afternoon

2005-10-02T07:45:00.000-07:00

After getting into a shouting match with some ass-clown car salesman, the wife and I decided to take things easy yesterday afternoon....start hazy dreamlike flashback....Back in college I was preparing for a life as a photojournalist, but as I approached graduation I got scared. Afraid that I wasn't gonna be able to survive as a photographer, I got an internship at a major record label and decided to make a living with my other passion, music. Of course after a year I realized that the music industry was a sinking ship that was never gonna sail again (and that industry people are scum), so I moved on to greener pastures. But I always regretted not taking that chance with photography (cautiousness is my best/ worst characteristic).....hazy flashback disappears as we slowly come back to the present....So yesterday I grabbed the camera and decided to start shooting again. I hope this spark of creativity will light a fire under my ass and get me to do what I love again.

Asst. Colors

Sebastian Alexander

Winter Teeth

Fairy Under Water

Black Blur

Nuclear Egg

Hungry Hunter

See the Monkey

Dying

Suspended Animation

Lazy Sunny Afternoon

Spank my ass and call me Todd Zilla

2005-09-23T23:06:00.000-07:00

So Grandaddy has a brand spanking new EP coming out this Tuesday 9/27. It’s called Excerpts from the Diary of Todd Zilla. Grandaddy are on V2 Records, which is distributed by BMG/ Sony, who has a marketing rep from Portland named “Todd Zilla”. Co-wink-a-dink-i-think-not.

Anyhoo, I love Grandaddy and think the EP sounds like a departure from their overly accessable last record, Sumday, and more of a return to their earlier sound. LISTEN TO THE ENTIRE EP HERE. And you can download 2 songs below.

Pull the Curtain (courtesy of Insound)

Florida (courtesy of Think Tank)

20 Bucks says some shitty hardcore band will form in the next 2 months with the name "Emily Rose"

2005-09-18T23:13:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend we got a chance to see The Exorcism of Emily Rose. I gotta say being a huge fan of The Exorcist I came into this movie with incredibly high expectations. For the most part I wasn’t disappointed. The mixture of eerie possession scenes mixed with courtroom drama was executed surprisingly well. The cast was great, especially Jennifer Carpenter who played the role of the college girl supposedly possessed by multiple demons. Even without the special effects make-up this girl is naturally creepy looking. The only thing that sucked was the little fucking teeny boppers in the theater. I think I even told one of the more obnoxious ones to “shut the fuck up”. Other than stupid 15-something shitheads making “funny” noises during suspenseful scenes, the movie was extremely chilling and intelligent.

Also, if Jennifer Carpenter doesn’t make it as an actress I think she has a promising future as a lead screamer for a death metal or hardcore band. The chick gots a set of lungs on her. If you wanna learn more about the true life Emily Rose then check out the websites below.

The Real Emily Rose

What Really Happened to Emily Rose?

New Logo....Horrible Color

2005-09-14T18:04:00.000-07:00

It was time to change thee ol' logo to something more fitting. Since the wife and I are entering the realm of parenthood with a baby in the oven, I thought what better way to celebrate than with a Rosemary's Baby motif. If Hell existed I'd probably burn in it or something...

I'm sure the logo will change again in another 3 months or so...maybe sooner considering the green doesn't match. My gosh, what an eyesore. I also thought it would be fitting to put up Fantomas' "Rosemary's Baby" for your downloading pleasure. It's off their fantastic Director's Cut album...buy it here.

Fantomas- Rosemary's Baby mp3

Dagger's first logo...

Dagger's second logo...

Going to the beach and finding Seaweed

2005-09-12T19:19:00.000-07:00

One day when I was 16 I ditched high school with my older 18 year-old girlfriend, Charlene. We drove to Venice beach, walked around, and just had a good time being young, careless, and in love. This was also the day that I discovered Seaweed. A few days earlier I read a small article in Thrasher about this “punk” band from Tacoma, WA. called Seaweed and I was intrigued. So while hanging out in Venice we stopped by Pennylane Records and I bought their newest record, Four, on cassette. I was blown away right from the beginning. It wasn’t like any other punk band that I heard before. Mind you, I was 16 and I didn’t know dick about good music. Seaweed introduced me to a world of punk bands that didn’t play by the numbers punk music. The beat wasn’t moving a hundred miles an hour and best of all they didn’t sound like anything on Fat Wreck Chords. Because of Seaweed I discovered bands like Avail, Samiam, Jawbreaker, and on and on.

They were primarily an early 90’s band who spend much of their time on Sub-Pop Records and were probably best known for covering Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way” on the Clerks soundtrack. In 1995 they made the leap of faith to a major label and signed with Hollywood Records releasing Spanaway. The album was okay, but it didn’t come close to the beautiful/ abrasive/ melancholy greatness of previous records. And like all the other good bands that got sucked up in the major label punk rush of the mid-90’s, Seaweed was dropped from the label and left to rot. But after a 3 year break, the band returned in 1998 with a new record and a new indie label, Merge Records. Actions & Indications found a much older and wiser Seaweed doing what they did best, playing catchy heartfelt unpunk rock. The band broke-up soon thereafter and the Seaweed saga was finally laid to rest.

Below is a track from each of their records (absent from this is their incredible album Four because I have yet to get it on CD…which is a damn shame.) You could probably find most of these records in the used bin at your local record shop. Bands like this just don’t come around anymore…

Stargirl mp3

Installing mp3

Shut Up! mp3

Free Drug Zone mp3

What Are We Taking? mp3

Merge Records
Sub Pop

One of those "what does it all mean?"

2005-08-12T22:53:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I get a little crazy when I smoke too much pot (as my last post will attest). All of the staff at D. Dagger Presents... have been rehired and given raises, which is good because they all would have probably tortured me to death. These past few weeks have been crazy/ exciting/ scary. Here's a quick recap for those with attention deficit disorder...

I got ~~fired~~ laid off from my shitty job on July 15th

I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and HATED it. That movie is crap.

Finally got Nick Cave's Abattoir Blues/ The Lyre of Orpheus double CD and loved it.

The new Spoon record has some catchy moments, but overall it's just a little bit above average.

Found out that my beautiful wife is pregnant! I'm gonna be a daddy...watch out world, I'm breeding!!!

Finally got the Black Mountain CD and I LOVE it to death. I would say that I'm going to see them at this year's Sunset Junction, but I know I probably won't.

The A-Frames CD was also purchased, but only listened to once thus far. I think it's gonna be making a second spin very soon.

I start my new job on Monday and I won't update my blog while I'm at work. Pinky promise.

Starting this month I'm 2 years closer to 30...that's so dirty.

I've never been more happier than I am now, but I still hate "happy music" (i.e.- the Polyphonic Spree)

Stay tuned for my next post where I tell a tale of my recent stoned adventures in Westwood.

The new saga starts...

2005-08-04T16:48:00.000-07:00

I've got bigger fish to fry. Screw my personal conflicts or humorous filler. A new saga is at hand for D. Dagger Presents...and if you buy it, then you might find something more than just interesting chatter. There's so much bullshit on websites and blogs nowadays. Who needs words and images when all you're looking for is the buy button?

*Feel free to browse the content of D. Dagger Presents...(Volume One). But keep in mind that all of the old staff have been informed of their exit strategies. Nothing is stable.

I got a fever! And the only prescription is more cowbell!

2005-07-14T10:40:00.000-07:00

I just recently saw the SNL Blue Öyster Cult sketch for the first time and I gotta say that was the funniest thing I’ve seen in awhile. It’s a mock “Behind the Music” skit where BÖC is in the studio with producer Bruce Dickinson played by the genius Christopher Walken. Will Ferrell is in charge of the cowbell in “Don’t Fear The Reaper”, but his “style” clashes with the other band members. This was so hilarious that midway through the sketch both Jimmy Fallon and Ferrell almost lost their shit. You need to download this. Even if you’ve seen it, see it again…priceless....Oh yeah, thanks goes out to Think Tank for letting me discover this.

The cast was as follows:
Bruce Dickinson..... Christopher Walken
Eric Bloom.....Chris Parnell
Buck Dharma.....Horatio Sanz
Alan.....Chris Kattan
Bobby.....Jimmy Fallon
Gene Frenkle.....Will Ferrell

Click the cowbell to download.
The file is BIG, so I put it in a zip folder. Right click and SAVE TARGET AS.
You can also read the transcript here.

VSS and Abhinanda Sound Like Really Bad STDs

2005-07-13T11:07:00.000-07:00

Ahh, 1997. That was 8 fucking years ago and boy do I feel old right now. Back then I was heavily into hardcore. I remember that the whole youth crew revival thing was going on strong with bands like Ten Yard Fight, In My Eyes,

Rancor, etc…But also around this time at the opposite end of the hardcore spectrum, a more intelligent scene was happening. Bands like Saetia, Antioch Arrow, and The VSS were incorporating more artistic aesthetics and diversity into a stale hardcore scene. The VSS really stood out due to Sonny Kaye’s distinct vocals, haunting keyboards, and a rhythm section that would later go on to form the Slaves/ Pleasure Forever. Mix Ebullition style hardcore with some dark wave and you have The VSS. Their only full length record, Nervous Circuits, was released during this period and is now out of print. I was obsessively searching for this CD for a year until I finally found it in Amoeba’s used bin. So I give you two songs from this great record and a bonus extra song from Epitonic.com.

The VSS- Death Scene mp3
The VSS- Lunar Weight mp3

BONUS TRACK
The VSS- In Miniature mp3 (from Epitonic)

Abhinanda were from Sweden and played boring early 90’s hardcore ala Dayspring, Strain, and shit like that. But in 1998 they released an incredible record on Simba called Rumble. This was around the same time Refused released their epic The Shape of Punk to Come, and Abhinanda undoubtbly took cues from that record. Their guitarist Par even played with Refused during their early “hey look at us, we’re hardcore” years. On Rumble, the band experimented with different tones and harmonies which produced an angry, climactic, and rocking hardcore record. One minute you’re enjoying a Denver omelet, the next minute someone’s got a gun in your face.

Abhinanda- Showdown mp3
Abhinanda- La Musica Continua mp3

Cloudy Skies on a Sunny Day

2005-07-12T10:20:00.000-07:00

I initially wasn't going to write anything for this post, but now I feel like the literary juices are coming out like the juices from a dead body on the slab for a week. I'm starting a new thing today. Whenever the D. Dagger "Bauhaus" logo appears, expect to hear some dark gloomy songs. I got goth tendencies, what can I say. I'm starting this off right with the appropriate Bauhaus classic, "Bela Lugosi's Dead". I love the way this song builds up, climaxes, then crawls back into the shallow grave from which it came. I guess this started the whole "goth rock" thing back in the late 70's. Good stuff.

And of course I had to put one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite bands of all time. "London Dungeon" is a classic Misfits song. It was recorded after the great rawness of Static Age and before the pop-punk catchiness of Walk Among Us. Dare I call this song "goth rock" too? The 'Fits always had a 1950's b-movie horror thing going, but "London Dungeon" had a way more serious/ eerie vibe to it. The song's about when Mr. Glenn Danzig got into a bar fight in England with a bunch of skinheads. Apparently the cops arrested him and gave him a hard time while locked up (hence the title of the song)....Anyway, enjoy this little piece of October in July and expect some more tasty treats tomorrow.

Bauhaus- Bela Lugosi's Dead mp3 (big file)
The Misfits- London Dungeon mp3

What If Corporations Owned Music

2005-07-05T11:54:00.000-07:00

Due to the recent Nike/ Minor Threat controversy, ilXor.com has a new thread entitled "Nike and other evil corporations ruining famous album covers". They have received a shitload of submissions. Some are funny and some leave you scratching your head. Of course I couldn't resist submitting my own faux album covers with a corporate touch. Click on the images to zoom in.

America, Fuck YouYeah!!

2005-07-01T11:59:00.000-07:00

How ironic that the day we celebrate our independence from foreign occupiers, we ourselves are occupying Iraq and Afghanistan. I hope everybody ponders the role america is playing around the globe while we stuff our over-privileged faces with BBQ and watermelon. America, FUCK YEAH! (c’mon, sing along!!)

The Minor Threat Has Passed

2005-07-01T10:14:00.000-07:00

Everybody, you can relax! The minor "major threat" of Nike has passed. You can put away the soapboxes and retract the self righteous "DIY" hate mail. Nike has apologized for....well, for being Nike. Let's not get all offended here folks. Corporations and the media have been exploiting "punk rock" for years now. That's why punk as we knew it is dead. Those old aggressive sounds and images of pissed off posturing are not a threat anymore to the status quo. It's all just marketing now.

Don't get me wrong. I respect Ian Mackaye and Dischord. I have the utmost respect for the convictions and principles that he has stood for all these years. But I mean really, it's not the first time company's have tried to make a buck off of Minor Threat.

Of course, how can we forget this Rancid record. Well, actually it was pretty easy to forget this record, but the cover looks a little familiar don’t it? Why should Rancid and their record company Epitaph get away with it? Because they're "punk rock"? Hardly. This is just an example of a so-called underground company trying to make a buck by using underground images. Epitaph wants to sell records, just like BMG/Sony, Universal, Warner, etc..

And how 'bout poor little Emily Strange. I don't think poor Emily and the corporation who owns her depressed little ass, Cosmic Debris, are really that poor at all. Why didn't Mr. Mackaye get all huffy puffy when Emily was using a Minor Threat image to sell back underground rebellion to countless Hot Topic youth?

Yes, yes, I know Epitaph and Emily don't come near the corporate atrocities of Nike. But if you're gonna bitch about 1 company using your shit to make money, then you gotta do it across the board. Punk has been bought and sold so many times over the years that it really doesn't matter anymore. And skateboarding is light years from its DIY beginning. Capitalism is capitalism, regardless if it’s mainstream or underground culture that’s being sold.

From the Cradle to the Grave

2005-06-30T11:17:00.000-07:00

I finally finished my dorky Murder City Devils fansite (click above)! That shit killed more time at work than this blog. Me thinks it's a pretty decent site too. There's really nothing on the web for this awesome band, so I decided to change that. Below is an even dorkier "press release" my loyal comrade Count ~~Dooku~~ Le Shok wrote....

New Murder City Devils Website

The Murder City Devils may be long gone, but definitely not forgotten. With the recent release of their DVD, “The End”, it’s apparent that the Devils spirit is still very much alive in the hearts of countless fans. Adding to the nostalgia is MurderCityDevils.net, a brand new fansite dedicated to Seattle's "most notorious band". According to site creator, D. Dagger, this was long overdue.

"I couldn't believe that there wasn't already websites dedicated to the Murder City Devils. They put on incredible live shows, released great records, and just outright personified rock n' roll swagger. I don’t have a fucking clue why there isn’t more out there for the band,” said Dagger.

Unlike many fansites that come and go, MurderCityDevils.net will be around for the foreseeable future.

As Dagger put it, “Basically the site will be up and running as long as I’m up and running. It will always strive to be the premiere MCD resource on the web”.

-Count Le Shok

http://www.murdercitydevils.net/

He Attackes My Vagina Looking for the Rent. Like Death from Above in a Chocolate Factory or a Dude with a Bionic Arm Telling a Tasteless Joke.

2005-06-23T15:01:00.000-07:00

Video Camera: $500
Stitches from dogbite: $60
Ticket for your dog biting someone: $200
Getting a retarded foreign lady to tell the camera how her dog bites her vagina and her other dogs penis: Priceless

There are some things money can’t buy, for everything else there’s retarded foreign women.

“A group of young New Yorkers must deal with such harsh urban realities as AIDS, homelessness and paying the rent”…uh, yeah whateva…I think watching RENT would be way worse than getting AIDS or being homeless. Pure torture.

Death from Above, (above), are awesome. They played LA a couple times and I just happened to miss every fucking show. Actually, I haven’t been to a show in over a year. I guess I’ve been too busy paying the RENT. So here’s a Making of the Video type of thing. It’s pretty funny, like an indie rock version of Spinal Tap.

I hope Charlie and the Chocolate Factory doesn’t suck. I loved the original and I think only Johnny Depp and Tim Burton can do it justice. I’ll be seeing it on the IMAX, you can see a preview here.

There will be so much cool shit before I die. Just think, if they are already doing shit like this, who knows what kind of Blade Runner sci-fi world there will be in 2040?? Sadly though we’ll most likely all be dead.

Have any of you heard about this movie The Aristocrats? It’s a documentary about a shitload of comedians telling the same dirty ass joke. Each joke has the same beginning and end, but every comic puts their own spin on the middle. It sounds hilarious and was a big hit at this years Sundance. Here’s Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s South Park version of the joke….fucking beautiful.

Hippy Johnny is stoned, but I’m straight!

2005-06-22T09:48:00.000-07:00

So I’ve had a theory for awhile now that Jonathan Richman wrote the first straight edge song, at least unintentionally. Now this contradicts the accepted belief that Ian Mackaye and Minor Threat wrote the first straight edge song in the early 80’s. Well Jonathan Richman and his band the Modern Lovers pre-dates Minor Threat by like 8 or 9 years.

Their debut LP was recorded in 1973 and had a great song called “I’m Straight” (well the whole fucking album is great). The song basically talks about how Jonathan wanted some chick who went out with “hippy Johnny”, but poor Jonathan didn’t do drugs. It’s pretty funny and an incredibly weird thing to sing about during that time period. The song even has the first straight edge sing-a-long chorus towards the end. So I declare that Jonathan Richman wrote the first straight edge song….but you know, who really gives a fuck. Just listen to this because it’s the Modern Lovers.

If you don’t own the first Modern Lovers record than go out and buy it right now. Jonathan Richman was heavily influenced by the Velvet Underground and John Cale even produced their album. Like I said, it was recorded in 1973, but wasn’t released until 1976. The Modern Lovers laid the blueprint for what we now know as “indie rock”. They were very influential and totally essential.

Modern Lovers- "I'm Straight"mp3

The King of Poop

2005-06-15T11:57:00.000-07:00

Get a load of this.

It took a child molestation trial before Wacko Jacko realized that maybe sleeping with little boys isn’t a good idea. What a sick fuck. There’s no way he would’ve been acquitted if he were black…no fucking way. Damn cracker!

Back in Black

2005-06-09T09:12:00.000-07:00

Howdy motherfuckers! Been busy lately making a website for a hot ass actress named Juliette Clarke. She acquired the services of a certain D. Dagger. She wanted some "other" services too, but Mrs. Dagger wouldn't have been down with that shit.....I have also been working on a fansite for "Seattle's most notorious band", the Murder City Devils. This fucking band changed my life and I wanted to create a good resource for anyone wanting to know more about them. It can be found at murdercitydevils.net and I'll let you know when it's done. Boom Swagger Boom bitch!

Did anyone get the new Joyce record yet? Let me just say, "woah!" (Joey Lawrence said it better). Joyce is a fucking genius!! It's like The Beatles had a child with Thin Lizzy who grew up listening to Napalm Death and My Bloody Valentine.
I wish I was making this up...

Click Joyce...I dare you.

The Pain Was Enough to Make a Shy Bald Buddhist Reflect and Plan a Mass Murder

2005-06-03T10:47:00.000-07:00

A lot has being going on here at the Dagger. I apologize to all 5 of you who regularly read this crap for the lack of posts. Not to get too emotional and teary, but my wife was diagnosed with melanoma. One of her moles on her stomach became cancerous from years of tanning. Here’s a picture of what melanoma looks like (it’s not a photo of hers, just some random one I found online)

Basically after a lot of stress, tears, frustration, and hope, it looks like she will be okay. The doctors said they caught it in time and she will have surgery very soon to remove that fucking cancer mole motherfucker. Everybody has been sending positive vibes and good wishes. Be it praying, doing magick, or lighting farts on fire…it’s all been working. I’ll keep y’all updated.

So I was gonna save this MP3 for a post on our upcoming anniversary, but after everything that has been going on I decided to post it here. This is a song by Brendan Benson called “The Pledge”. It’s one of the best love songs I’ve heard in a long time. The rest of his record is so-so, but this song is beautiful (like my wife). So baby, this is for you. Blah blah blah….

The Pledge mp3

Well, I'll be loyal to you in every way
There's nothing I wouldn't do or I wouldn't say
I hate to think where I'd be without you
Do you know how I feel about you?
Do you?
I didn't sign up for anything like this
I always wind up screwed without a kiss
And every single minute that goes by
I 'm getting deeper in it all the time
Oh nay, hey
Okay, hey
I wouldn't have it any other way

And I promise to always love you
And never put anybody else above you
Well I'm hopelessly dedicated
And somehow it's still understated
I'm sure I was born to love you
I'm so lucky, I really don't deserve you
It was my one and only ambition
I made it my life long mission
I never thought it could be as good as this
I finally found a new sense of purpose
And every single second that goes by
I think of yet another reason why
Oh nay, hey
Okay, hey
I don't want it any other way

I never signed up for anything like this
I always wind up screwed without a kiss
And every single minute that goes by
I'm getting deeper in it all the time
Oh nay, hey
Okay, hey
I wouldn't have it any other way
I don't want it any other way
I don't want it any other way

High on the Crime

2005-06-03T10:43:00.000-07:00

So those cocksuckers at Epitaph have been lagging in releasing the new Turbonegro record, Party Animals. I may just have to buy the import and the cheapest I’ve seen it has been here. I saw on Amazon that the U.S. release date is in late July….yeah, fuck that shit. So what’s Epitaph so busy with that they can’t release the new Turbonegro? They’re busy releasing Punk-O-Rama 50 and some lame 1995 Warp Tour band....Weak!

Well here’s another song called “High on the Crime” off the new album. This is the video playing on MTV Europe right now. You can watch it here. Me like it lots.

Waving the Pink Flag of Discontent

2005-05-25T11:54:00.000-07:00

Wire formed during the initial punk explosion of 1977. But unlike the Clash or the Buzzcocks, Wire separated themselves from the lot with odd song structures and art school aesthetics. Few bands have progressed musically in just 3 records than Wire. Their first LP, Pink Flag, was for the most part straight ahead punk rock with a few Pop gems in the mix. Most will recognize the song “1 2 X U” due to the fact that countless punk bands have covered it including Minor Threat. But songs like “Mannequin” and “Ex Lion Tamer” showed that Wire had Pop sensibilities in addition to their art-punk abrasiveness.

Then in 1978 they released Chairs Missing. This was an album that would further push Wire into new and strange Prog territories, but still keeping a connection with the punk rock of Pink Flag. Listening to Chairs Missing is like foreplay. There are a lot of good songs that keep your attention, but you continue to listen for the Pop climaxes like “Outdoor Miner” and “I Am the Fly”. In fact, “Outdoor Miner” almost became Wire’s first hit single, but a payola scandal with their label (EMI) prevented this from occurring. Just when you thought Wire had pushed the boundaries of punk to the breaking point, they released an album that would reveal that punk’s “boundaries” are only in the minds of the musicians and the listeners.

1979 saw the release of 154, just three short years after their debut Pink Flag. In this limited amount of time Wire had progressed more than most bands do in 20 years. They took the abstract art punk of Chairs Missing and took it to the next level. 154 was in deed incredibly Prog and way ahead of the curve. The record was very dark in a Joy Division/ Bauhaus kind of way, but there were still some moments of Pop satisfaction. Some might recognize Wire’s “The 15th “ because Fischerspooner covered it on their debut record #1. This song was Depeche Mode before Depeche Mode with regards to the darkwave synth atmospherics.

After all the musical ground gained with Pink Flag, Chairs Missing, and 154, Wire disappeared for 5 years after a dispute with EMI. They reemerged in the late 80’s sounding more electronic than punk and nowhere near the creative level of their first 3 records. I hear their latest record isn’t too bad though. So listen to these MP3’s in order to get a taste of true musical ambition, then buy the records to get the full dose. You will not be disappointed.

www.pinkflag.com

NOTE: I'm using Rapid Share for the downloads. When you click the MP3's a separate page will open. Scroll down and click free download. Another page will open, so scroll down and be patient (you may need to wait a few seconds before you can download).

BUY IT

Ex Lion Tamer mp3

1 2 X U mp3

Champs mp3

Mannequin mp3

BUY IT

I am the Fly mp3

Outdoor Miner mp3

Used To mp3

BUY IT

The 15th mp3

Map Ref. 41°N 93°W mp3

On Returning mp3

Fuck With Me and I’ll Fuck With You

2005-05-18T16:27:00.000-07:00

Parker Posey wants to kick your ass and suck your blood…I don’t blame her.

Listen to a song off the new Spoon record "Gimme Fiction". It's very good.
BUY IT
"I Turn My Camera On" mp3

I'm listening to that Nardwuar interview with Nirvana as I write this. I found it on Buddyhead's new MP3 blog Medication and you can download it here. Nardwuar gives me a headache, but I continue to listen because he knows so much about music. He's quite the handful.

The Happiest Place on Earth

2005-05-16T11:26:00.000-07:00

This was my weekend.
As you can see, the wife and I had a grand weekend. It’s been awhile since we made some pot brownies, but I got paid on Friday and I was determined to have a fucked up weekend. A brownie high is a completely different high. You feel that shit in your entire body and for hours. Much of it is still a blur (considering I’m still a little fogged out as I type this). I know we went to Disneyland on Sunday. Let me just say that going on “It’s A Small World” high is a wasted experience. This ride was way too fucking long and BORING. After India, I was pretty much over it….stupid PC ride.

We also went on "Star Tours" and I was totally freaking out. As far as I was concerned I WAS on that fucking space ship dodging lasers and comet ice crystals. And that part where the Empire almost captured us…forget about it. The wife and I were contemplating suing Disneyland for letting such an inexperienced robot pilot that Star Tourship. I mean really, why were we so close to the Death Star? Hello!!?? Liability??

Brownies anyone?
But the highlight was the “Tower of Terror”. That shit turned my happy high into a happy anxiety attack. We saw some old lady in line for this ride too. C’mon man, there should be an age limit. I don’t want some old mama short circuiting and exiting on my watch. Shit like that would be a major bummer….And speaking of bummers, some trashy just outta jail gangsta dude and his fat ghetto girlfriend were sucking faces right in front of us in line. It was like watching a bear mate with a hippopotamus. That shit almost ruined my high.

This is your body on drugs.
But like I said, the rest of the weekend is pretty fuzzy. I do know that we laughed a lot, ate a lot, and just had a great time being together. That’s what it’s all about kids. Finding someone that you can have fun with and being happy….oh yeah, almost forgot, we also went to the 99 Cents store and bought some munchies. If you’re gonna go to the supermarket high, make sure it’s the 99 Cents store. Spending $20 is better than $80.

POT BROWNIE RECIPE
You’ll need the following:
About an 8th of green
Butter
Brownie mix (with extra fudge)
Eggs
Oil

Directions:
First break apart the green into small pieces. Then mix the eggs and oil with the brownie mix (read the box for amount and oven preheating). Get a pot (excuse the pun) and melt some butter. Add in the greens and stir for about 2-5 minutes. This is how you get the hemp oil. Pour the oil through a sifter and onto the brownie mix. Mix well. Then add the chunks of cooked pot into the brownie mix. Put it in the oven. Enjoy.

I'm the Indiana Jones of Music. From England to America to Ja Fuckin Pan.

2005-05-12T16:49:00.000-07:00

Rachel from Scenestars has put up the new Oasis and Nine Inch Nails records on her radio blog player thingy. The Oasis record is alright. I mean we all know the story here, no surprises. Same with the NIN songs. They’re good, but it’s nothing earth shattering. One day I’ll find both records recarnated as used promo’s at Amoeba and I’ll most likely keep them both. That’s the best I got kids.

Now from heh to Yay!! (kind of like From Justin to Kelly). I first heard about PINE*am from Music For Robots. They’re totally artsy crazy-ass acid trip electronic Tokyo Pop. If you’ve been paying attention you’ll know that I hate most “happy” music, but these three Japanese chicks know how to push my funny “I wanna drink purple Kool-Aid” bone. They are playing a few shows in L.A., including a free one at Amoeba on May 31 (the same day their new record “Pull the Rabbit Ears” comes out). Here’s some MP3’s courtesy of Eenie Meenie Records. Yeah, I direct linked them, fucking sue me.
Kool artwork!!
Rayon Cosmetique mp3

Gymnopedie 0.1 mp3

Rhyme Mime mp3

Do I Know You mp3

Love Giraffe mp3

Theme mp3

Motley Crue Looks for Last Remaining Fan

2005-05-12T15:21:00.000-07:00

It appears Mötley Crüe think they’re Columbo now. You can read the full article on Blabbermouth or you can read the EXCLUSIVE unedited version of the first paragraph. Yeah, I’m doing the new drywall up at that new McDonalds and writing for Fox in my spare time.

MÖTLEY CRÜE Team Up With 'America's Most Wanted' To Find Missing Fan(s)- May 12, 2005

When MÖTLEY CRÜE took the stage at a recent (county fair) concert, the band received some startling news (#1 that nobody showed up and #2 that Mick Mars actually is a zombie/alien transvestite). Just weeks before, one of their devoted Baltimore fans had simply vanished (into thin air) on her way to (a meth house and) their March 6, 2005, concert in Washington, DC. Her friends say that she wouldn't have missed this concert for the world (but maybe for some meth). Loyalty means a lot to the band and especially to Tommy Lee and Nikki Sixx (because this is all that they have left), so they decided to team up with "America's Most Wanted" (and Coors) to find their missing fan(s). They're offering a $10,000 reward (paid in monthly installments of $5) to bring this woman home (or at least to one of their shows). Tune in as MÖTLEY CRÜE (and Scőoby Dőo) joins the "AMW" crew to help find a missing rock 'n' roll fan on "America's Most Wanted: America (Strikes First) Fights Back" Saturday, May 14 (9:00-10:00 p.m. ET/PT) on Fox.

In all seriousness, now that Mötley Crüe is on the job I have no doubts that these guys will crack the case. I mean just look at them….
I’m feeling pretty confidant.
If that doesn’t work I heard Brett Michaels and Poison are free. But I don’t think there’s much of a mystery. Either Mick Mars ate her or The chick probably just woke up that morning, looked in the mirror and said to herself, “What the fuck am I doing still going to Mötley Crüe concerts? Jesus Christ, look at my hair! I haven’t changed styles since 1983. I gotta leave the state and get new a new life”. There you go, case closed. And I didn’t even need a full 1-hour for that shit. (And is it just me or does the missing chick look like David Coverdale?) Holy shit! David Coverdale is a Mötley Crüe fan!!!!

Fucking Surreal Life

2005-05-11T09:23:00.000-07:00

VH1 announced some of the cast for season 6 of Surreal Life. This one will be slightly different because the cast will play various characters from the Brady Bunch. Christopher Knight (from Season 4) will return as Peter Brady. Below are quick Bio’s and some video/audio clips. I wish I was making this shit up...

Kelsey Grammer will play Sam the Butcher.
Kelsey is a Republican asshole. Click HERE and see him fall on his ass during a speech he gave at Disneyland. This is courtesy of Best Week Ever.

Glenn Danzig will play Mrs. Brady.
Glenn is a washed up pretentious dick who was the reason why the Misfits broke up back in 1983. Click HERE to see him get his clock cleaned (if you haven’t seen this already).

Ian Brown will play Bobby Brady.
Ian was in the Stone Roses. I like the Stone Roses. Click HERE to watch Ian and his crew doing something English (aka: beating someone up).

Bjork will play Alice.
Bjork is funky looking and her music is self-righteous at times, but she’s also funny in a “I’m gonna attack this reporter bitch” sort of way. Click HERE to watch Bjork lose it.

Arnold will play Mr. Brady.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is a complete moron. He’s my governor so I should know. But who knew he was so funny. Check out these great MP3 phone calls the Governator made. He really is a man of the people.

Arnold VS Gateway

Arnold VS Some Asian Lady

Arnold VS The Gator Lodge

Arnold VS Preferred Reality

Triumph will play Cindy Brady.
Triumph the Insult Dog is funny. He’s a fucking hand puppet, but he’s funnier than most comedians. Watch these classic clips and laugh until you crap your pants. I poop on you!

Triumph VS Simon Cowell

Triumph VS MTV

Triumph VS Bon Jovi

Triumph VS Hawaii

The rest of the cast will be announced in a few weeks.

Monkey VS God (I got ten on the monkey)

2005-05-05T13:53:00.000-07:00

So those fuckheads in Kansas are stirring up the bible bullshit again. It seems that they’re still living in 1705 and want the state of Kansas to teach “Creation” in addition to Evolution. You know, Evolution. The scientific proof that man evolved from primates and not cartoon characters named Adam & Eve. So these Christian dumbfucks held a hearing to decide the above mentioned bullshit. The scientists didn’t even bother showing up. Maybe it was because
“The hearings resemble a trial, as three school board members hear arguments from champions of both sides. The panelists — all three of them conservative Republicans who have questioned evolution — will report to the full school board, which is expected to approve new science standards next month.”

I think the scientific community should have sent George Carlin to represent them. I think it would have sounded something like this…..
George Carlin on Religion mp3 (3.15mb)

Tom & Jerry

2005-05-05T12:13:00.000-07:00

Nicole Kidman isn’t all that, but she did have a great ass in Eyes Wide Shut.

That right there is a little piece of heaven.

Now let me show you a little piece of Hell....
YIKES!
Katie Holmes has always struck me as a little elf with a crooked mouth. Now she looks like a little troll (with a crooked mouth). It looks like Tom Cruise put her through some crazy ass Scientology boot camp where she was tag teamed by Kirstie Alley and John Travolta. I can imagine Kirstie Alley forcing her to eat out her fat prickly gash and following up with a beat down from John Travolta’s ugly stick while they both shout quotes from Look Who’s Talking. Afterwards Tom would walk in saying the following in his best Christopher Walken impression, “I know it ain't any kind of fun, but for what I have to offer you, that's as good as it's gonna get. And it's never gonna get that good again”.

According to Jerry “I’m scamming handicapped kids” Lewis, Frank Sinatra was the mafia’s bitch. Yeah, thanks for the update Jerry. But he does tell a somewhat interesting story on how Ol’ Blue Eyes almost got pinched.

Desktop Magick

2005-05-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

Reconoce el poder de la magia si la has utilizado con éxito para obtener tus deseos. Si niegas el poder de la magia después de haberla utilizado con ñexito, perderás todo lo que has conseguido.

say the words, click the image and save the magick to your desktop. then eat cake.

Jesus Eats Amoeba

2005-05-03T09:50:00.000-07:00

Jesuseater featured singer Shawn Brown from the great D.C. band Swiz. Jesuseater broke up in 2002 and were only around for like 3 years. I totally slept on this band and now I’m kicking myself for it. I once remember somebody describing Swiz as “hard, but not in a New York hardcore tough guy way”. Swiz’s sound was urgent, intelligent, and definitely full of power. Jesuseater was no different, except a little bit catchier. Below are 2 songs, one from each release ("Step Inside My Deathray" CD & "Self Titled" CDEP). I’m sure you’ll be able to find these in the used bin at your local record store.
JESUSEATER- punching southern.mp3

JESUSEATER- your air stream.mp3

Speaking of record stores, I just haveta’ say that ever since Amoeba Music came to Los Angeles I haven’t been the same. I got a new hop in my step as I walk past homeless people, not paying the collection agencies has never felt better, and hearing Laura Bush’s speech at the White House Correspondents Dinner actually made me chuckle…okay, okay, I full on laughed my ass off. The world just seems brighter and more pleasurable. You see that glass over there? Let’s just say it ain’t half empty anymore….oh yeah baby, you betcha’ sugar, damn straight nigga.

So over the weekend I took L.A.’s awesome subway (for the second time) to Amoeba with one goal in mind: To conquer that clearance bin like a frat boy conquering inexperienced freshman girls. Honey, that bin didn’t see what hit it when I walk through those doors. I found some pretty nice gems for $4.99 and under. I even got one free because I bought more than four. Now that’s putting the customer first in my book. But after the “H” section I couldn’t take it anymore. The clearance bin got the best of me. Shitty CD after shitty CD….“Enuff Z’nuff” in deed. So I made my way to the regular used bins and of course found a lot more great shit and spent way more then I wanted to.

The moral of this (longer than it should be) post is this: Give that clearance bin a second chance. I know it probably let you down on more than a few occasions, but go back to it. Don’t let the Alien Crime Syndicates or Aquabats or the Cave In “Antenna’s” scare you away.

Below are the tasty morsels that I found in Amoeba’s clearance bin.

Bad Religion- "Against the Grain"
This has been in my cassette collection for years and now I finally have it on CD. Not as good as "Suffer", but pretty damn good in it's own right.

Buddyhead- "Suicide Sampler"
Yeah those kids at Buddyhead are dicks, but sometimes they're funny dicks. This disc has a lot of bands I dig.

Division of Laura Lee- "Das Not Compute"
I wasn't gonna ever get this CD, but after hearing some MP3's I was sold. Definitely better then their debut.

The Fucking Am- "Gold"
This is The Fucking Champs and Trans Am teaming up again. The first time was The Trans Champs and I liked what I heard on that. I haven't listened to this one yet, but I see it has that crazy ass drummer from the Mars Volta, Jon Theodore. That dude is insane.

Canyon- "self-titled"
This is Canyon's first release. This band reminds me of My Morning Jacket with their country psychedelic vibe. I dig it.

I Didn't Fuck Ann Coulter In The Ass

2005-04-28T13:35:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, I didn’t write "I Fucked Ann Coulter in the Ass, Hard", but I wish I did. The author, Bachem Macuno, is a fucking genius and his post is brilliant. The team here at D. Dagger Presents...is currently tracking down Macuno so we can kidnap him before the Feds do. He’ll be safe inside the D. Dagger Compound and be free to write as much liberal satire as his little heart desires….For those not in the know, Ann Coulter is Fox News’ poster whore. She’s a insensitive right-wing bitch who is only attractive to guys that look like this. I also give Macuno props for making a reference to Ann’s “adam’s apple” towards the end of his story…

apparently SHE'S A MAN, BABY!!!

The Hot Post

2005-04-26T16:16:00.000-07:00

Hot Topic: Taking your MTV “punk rock” rebellion and selling it back to you!

“Our store employees are our eyes and ears across the country. In fact, employees are reimbursed for the cost of a concert ticket in exchange for a brief fashion report highlighting the items worn by the music artists as well as the fans.” - taken from Hot Topic’s website.

In other “Hot” news, Swami Records has just released the Hot Snakes “John Peel Seesions” CD. Apparently this was the last band to record for his legendary show before he passed away. The track list and CD description are below.
BUY IT

1. Automatic Midnight
2. No Hands
3. Braintrust
4. This Mystic Decade

”On their first trip to the U.K., Hot Snakes were asked by legendary disc jockey John Peel to come into the BBC Studios at Maide Vale and record a session for his radio show. The band went in on Oct. 11th, 2004, and cut 4 songs live. The sound that was captured was a realistic snapshot of the Hot Snakes sound with rougher edges and spontaneous energy. Hot Snakes were to be his last guests as John Peel died on a vacation in Peru a week later. The legacy of John Peel expands from the 60's to present day and surely beyond. His will to champion maverick music from the underground and to constantly stay abreast with the new noise, made him the antenna to a world of music that usually slips through the cracks. Hot Snakes are grateful to have had the opportunity to be a speck in his massive scope of reference.Long Live Peel!”

It's That Time of the Year Again

2005-04-20T16:20:00.000-07:00

I almost forgot...
Happy 420 Everybody!!
It's time we stop being little bitches and push for the legalization of hemp. It's good for the environment, good for your health, and it's good to get high. Smoke some green and click the leaf for some sleazy 70's inspire rock...dig it.

Chewing Tobacco and Perverts

2005-04-20T11:51:00.000-07:00

After like 30 years or so, those crazy Vietnam Vets are still pissed off at Jane fucking Fonda. At a recent book signing in Kansas City, Fonda had a tobacco bath when some asshole ex-Vet spat chewing tobacco on her face….actually that’s pretty funny. Imagine seeing some dude spit tobacco in Jane Fonda’s face..haha, that would be almost better than witnessing Reagan getting shot.

But anyway, who gives a fuck that Fonda went to North Vietnam and took some pictures. Get over it already, Ted Turner did. But I am pissed that she’s making movies again, and with J. Lo of all people. Give it a rest honey. You should be enjoying the golden years and not torturing us with more shitty Pop culture movies.

On the brighter side of film, I recently went to a special screening of Pervert starring that porn whore Mary Carey. But the real star’s of the film seem to be long time actor Darrell Sandeen and up and comers Juliette Clarke and Sean Andrews. Clark in particular was HOT and brutal in a Patricia Arquette True Romance kind of way.

If you like boobies, blood, murder, Russ Meyer, surprises, and over the top hilarious dialogue, THEN you should check out Pervert (whenever it’s released). I know the movie will be premiering at The Cannes Film Festival in May. Hopefully it’ll get good distribution so all you sicko’s can witness cinema at its finest/ lowest.

Dead Cats Tell No Tales

2005-04-19T14:49:00.000-07:00

Check out who's stealing my idea's...it's none other than the kids at Don't Shoot The Cat. I emailed them about my great kid hunting parody and the next thing I know they're stealing it. Their website has a link to this mock CNN page in the vain of the Onion. That story sounds pretty familiar doesn't it? Oh well, I guess some cat lovers don't have any creativity.

UPDATE
(The following is an excerpt from yesterdays emergency D. Dagger Presents... staff meeting)

D. Dagger- "Okay guys, you can all put away the guns and pipe bombs. Hey Tommy, I said put down the gun. There's been some late breaking developments with Don't Shoot The Cat. They have put up our parody on their website and the author of the CNN parody, Ythan, left a comment for us. It seems Ythan came up with the kid hunting idea a day before us."

Suzy Q- "Does this mean we're a bunch of talentless one day late losers?"

D. Dagger- "Not at all Suzy. In fact I feel that we are at the forefront of great collective thinking. We are all mentally connected in a web of progressive thought. Great minds think alike in deed."

Count Le Shok- "Does this mean we can't kill anybody? I just bought this fucking AK-47 and it cost a fortune!"

D. Dagger- "Now let's not be hasty. There's still plenty of cat killers in Wisconsin who need a little reconditioning. Lets show 'em what we got gang!

(A hush silence fell over everybody. Then bursts of laughter filled the office! The entire staff at D. Dagger Presents... went back to work on their computers daydreaming of hunter holocausts and Republican exterminations.)

Episode IV- A New Pope

2005-04-19T14:18:00.000-07:00

So there’s a new Pope…big deal. That’s like England getting a new king. It’s just aesthetic, like putting up dry wall over a crumbling brick wall. And is it just me or does the new Pope look like the devil baby from The Passion of the Christ?

Pope, Anti-Christ..same difference. I heard this Godsucker is real conservative too. Just what the gay community needs, another asshole telling them they’re gonna burn in Hell. Well, guess what bible-pushers? I’d rather live in some made up fire and brimstone land, than live in a country where people are made to feel like second class citizens. Fuck all people with stupid hats, (that includes cowboys).

The Power of Bunny Compells Christ

2005-04-15T16:54:00.000-07:00

This might be the funniest thing I have EVER seen. I love the Exorcist, but I think I love this more. It’s called “The Exorcist in 30 Seconds (and re-enacted by bunnies)” and your side will hurt from laughing so hard. I’m not gonna say anything more, just watch and be amazed. Also check out the other features especially “The Shining in 30 Seconds (and re-enacted by Bunnies)". You will need the most recent Macromedia Flash plug-in to view it.

Click above to watch. It may take awhile to load, but it’s fucking genius and totally worth it.

All My Friends Are Dead

2005-04-14T12:21:00.000-07:00

Turbonegro- “All My Friends Are Dead”mp3

Behold! A brand spanking new song from the almighty Turbonegro. It’s off their upcoming record titled Party Animals which comes out in Europe on May 9th. No word on the street date for the U.S., but I’m thinking it will be around the same time. It’s produced by Steve McDonald (The White Stripes, Beck and Redd Kross).

“We've got 11 hits, all of them beautifully negative switchblade serenades”, says Guitarist Euroboy.

Bassist Happy Tom says “It’s like the best bits of The Rolling Stones mixed with the best bits of Black Flag, but composed by Shostakovich, Stalin's in-house composer”

So by the sound of this song it appears Turbonegro are back in true form. When I heard their last record, Scandinavian Leather, I was excited just to hear some new stuff. But after the 3rd listen, I was kind of like “eh”. But “All My Friends Are Dead” sounds like it starts off where Apocalypse Dudes left off. Here’s the track listing:

1. Intro: The Party Zone
2. All My Friends Are Dead
3. Blow Me (Like The Wind)
4. City Of Satan
5. Death From Above
6. Wasted Again
7. High On The Crime
8. If You See Kaye (Tell Her I L-O-V-E Her)
9. Stay Free
10. Babylon Forever
11. Hot Stuff/Hot Shit
12. Final Warning

Turbonegro.com

Another Modest Proposal

2005-04-13T08:29:00.000-07:00

I’m sure most of you have heard about Wisconsin’s proposal to make hunting feral cats legal.

“The issue of whether to make feral cats an unprotected species, meaning they could be hunted and killed, was put Monday night before the Wisconsin Conservation Congress, an independent organization created by the state 70 years ago to take public input on conservation issues. More than 13,000 residents attended meetings held in all 72 counties around the state.

The state Department of Natural Resources said 51 counties supported the proposal, 20 rejected it and there was no vote in one county. The vote was 6,830-5,201.”

Well why stop at stray unattended cats? Everyday I see other more sinister creatures running loose in our parks and streets. They’re dirty, smelly, and they’re always looking for their next meal. They go by many different names, but when confronted by one the only words that come out of your mouth is LITTLE FUCKING BASTARDS!!

That’s right! I’m talking about the stray child problem that’s plaguing our communities. They run around reeking havoc amongst unsuspecting adults. They climb walls, trees, and furniture. Some of them even resort to throwing dirt, picking boogers, and uncontrollable crying.

We need to take out these little beasts with all the fury and might of a Wisconsin cat hunter on a week long killing binge. We must show no mercy on these parasites. No parents, no problem! We’ll do the parenting for you.

410 Tips for Preventing a Child Infestation3

1. Make sure your property is free from toys of any kind. Children tend to be drawn to this and once they know you have toys they’ll multiple like a bunch of roaches.

2. When cooking, make sure all windows are shut. Stray kids usually stop whatever they’re doing and follow the scent of food.

3. Refrain from watching The Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon, or Discovery Kids. Children have incredible hearing and can follow a sound two houses away.

4. Fortify all trees and fences with barb wire. Feral kids love to climb on these things.

5. Don’t go to areas where infestation is already rampant. This means no Chuck E. Cheese’s, parks, playgrounds, or amusement parks. One couple recently reported a dreadful trip to Disneyland where 3-4 stray kids followed them to their car after someone gave them cotton candy.

6. This brings me to the next tip. Keep all candy under lock and key. Some adults even go as far as to stash it in safes. But whatever you do, DO NOT FEED ANY CHILD CANDY. This can lead to years of infestation with whining, crying, and temper tantrums.

7. Keep a hose handy on your porch. Children hate water and will run away at the sight of it. Water mixed with soap is an even better deterrent.

8. Leave green beans, carrots, apples or any other fruit or vegetable outside. Kids can’t stand this food and will probably throw it at your house, but they won’t be coming back.

9. Hunting kids may not be legal yet, but you can trap them. Bait such as toys, candy, and pizza is most effective. One recent adult emailed me stating that a trap disguised as a clubhouse did wonders for his stray child problem.

10. Report all stray kid habitats. Some adults take in stray kids and this act of kindness quickly gets out of control. A beautiful home can quickly be overrun by children who spill food, pee on the floor, and jump/ climb on furniture. Contact the authorities immediately if you suspect your neighbors of providing a home to feral kids.

The above tips are only an outline, but you should see results if you follow these suggestions. Together we can make this world a stray kid free environment.
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Dont Shoot The Cat
Sign the petition and help end the madness

Revenge of the Sith TRAILER

2005-04-06T10:36:00.000-07:00

I think Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith will be the best one of the prequels. It’s coming out May 19th and I found this killer trailer on ifilm. It has some stupid subtitles, so just put a post-it note over that. I heard that there will be a huge wookie battle scene too...fuck yeah. I was kind of excited about Episode III, but after seeing this trailer I feel like a giddy 8 year-old boy again.

For some reason the direct link isn't working, so just click the logo and scroll down to the video entitled "Star Wars 133t".

And just so this post isn’t totally dorky, here’s some info on the U.S. Governments real “star wars”...

All’s Fair in Space War

The Space Industry: Supporting U.S. Supremacy

Bad Case of The Monday's

2005-04-04T14:09:00.000-07:00

Hey fuckheads, friuitcakes, laplovers, hair farmers, bible pushers, ass munchers, monkey lickers, crybabies….it’s Monday, fucking Monday, Monday again. Well, we here at the Dagger are here to make your week start off smoothly and of course with a smile.

First up is a little comedy from the great David Cross. This MP3 comes of his latest CD, “It’s Not Funny”. I saw David Cross a few years back at the House of Blues Hollywood. David was fucking hilarious, but there were no seats. So after about 2 hours of laughing, my back was killing me and it was totally worth it. Download the MP3, buy the CD, and try not to tinkle from laughing so hard.

David Cross- “Certain Leaders in Government Look or Act like Certain Pop Culture References!” mp3

This looks like an awesome new DVD from your friends at Thrill Jockey Records. It’s called “Looking for a Thrill” and it contains “a collection of personal stories about defining musical moments of inspiration”. Basically it has a bunch artists talking about their first show, record, etc. From “Mike Watt, Thurston Moore, Hamid Drake, Bjork, Yo La Tengo, Tortoise, the Butchies, Jon Spencer, Vic Chesnutt, Kurt Wagner, Fred Anderson, and Giant Sand - as well as members of the Urinals, Califone, Jesus Lizard, the Boredoms, Mekons, Slint, the Sea and Cake, and Calexico (just to name a few)”.

Here’s an MP3 of the interview with Ian Mackaye (Fugazi, Minor Threat, Embrace, The Evens). It’s funny and incredibly interesting to hear how this legendary person discovered punk. You can BUY THIS HERE.

So speaking of first encounters with punk rock, the Dagger is gonna share his experience with you kids. So grab a juice box, a pillow, and shut the fuck up….It was November 1993 and I was 16. After being into Death Metal for 2 years, I had finally discovered punk rock. The first show I went to was at the Hollywood Auditorium, which is now long gone. It was me, my friend Neil, and our older friend Mike. After telling my parents I was going to Six Flags Magic Mountain, I was out the door and on my way to see Youth Brigade, The Vandals, Padded Cell, and Rosemary’s Billygoat. This was a few months before the huge mid-90’s punk explosion, so bands like Green Day and the Offspring weren’t on MTV yet. Punk was still somewhat of an underground thing.

I remember the following: Rosemary’s Billygoat brought a “pentagram pizza” onstage and threw slices into the crowd. I lost my Black Flag hat while slam dancing to the Padded Cell. The Vandals played all the old school favorites and didn’t suck nearly as much as they do now. And Youth Brigade didn’t play for some reason resulting in a riot. When we got out of the club, the LAPD were there in full riot gear. We managed to get to Mike’s car, but the pigs blocked us in. After a few minutes of begging and blowing kisses, the “man” finally let us go.
I’ll never forget the intensity of that show. I really didn’t know what to expect. I had only previously been to big metal concerts. Punk rock was so intimate and exhilarating. I was hooked when I first got a Misfits record and I was sold when I went to this show. That was 12 years ago and I’m still here. I have finished college, gotten a job, and even got married, but I’m still a punk. It’s as much a part of my life as eating and breathing….end of fucking story.

Pope Fiction

2005-04-01T09:49:00.000-08:00

When I got in my car this morning I heard this news radio headline “Catholics worldwide pray for Pulp”. Now my first reaction was why do Catholics give a shit about that band Pulp? I mean they had their moments, but seriously now, they aren’t in need of any special prayer. Then I realized it’s April 1st…hello? April Fools Day!! Oh those crazy Catholics.

Let’s celebrate Catholics and Pulp by listening to one of their songs. Yay!
Click for “Common People” mp3

The next headline was that scientists have discovered water on Mars. And guess what? It’s actually true.

Ohh, look at the grumpy man in the morning. Hey Mr. Pope, turn that frown upside down! I heard the Pope likes to wear funny hats. Well what a small world, so do these people…

There's Nothing to Fear, Nothing to Doubt

2005-03-31T11:53:00.000-08:00

The following was recorded in 1993 by a comatose man who awoke for only 5 minutes turned to his wife and said only this….

“So there I am sitting in my living room watching my cats fight when all of a sudden I see a flash of light. It came from the direction of my kitchen, so I go over to investigate. As I enter I hear a rumbling in the oven. I open the oven door and then BAM! There’s a flash and I’m gone. A gas explosion destroyed the entire apartment.

So I ask myself, does any of this matter? Do the cars, the homes, the clothes, the CD’s, the food, the sex, the drugs, the health….does any of this matter? In a dream I once talked to myself. We were sitting in a 70’s style diner in Hollywood drinking coffee and we had the most meaningful conversation. I told myself that everything was going to be okay. That the world as I know it was also just a dream. That reality is just a dream. We talked about string theory and alternate dimensions. I asked myself if I created all of this darkness. I told myself that it’s just inverted light. Can you imagine my horror when I discovered that all things are connected in an ever revolving circle. Where’s the freedom? Where’s the choice? Where’s the incentive to do better? My old body is dead, the dream is dead.

So now I’m in this new dream. I inhabit this new body. This new person sits in front of a computer for 40 hours a week. I am repeating the mistakes of the last body. The explosion almost made me forget all of the living that I missed out on. Why am I still here talking? I should be living. You should be living too.”

The man immediately fell back into the coma and died shortly thereafter. I'm sure this happens a lot....

One of Those Days

2005-03-30T10:42:00.000-08:00

art: chase melendez music: radiohead

Car Flavored Cheetos

2005-03-28T12:44:00.000-08:00

Watch Planes Mistaken for Stars new video for “Spring Divorce”. It has a cute girl, a crazy man, and the band. Click the image to watch.

What ever you do, don’t see this movie.

It’s so bad that I can’t even say its name. Normally I wouldn’t go near this shit, but the wife made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. She put a horse’s head in our bed with note that read, “See the fucking movie or next time it’ll be your head”…the only thing scarier than that was the chemistry (or lack there of) between Pierce Brosnan and Julianne Bore.

And finally, don’t be that asshole throwing around lawn darts half hazardly. Yeah it’s fun for a good 5-10 minutes, but don’t be the kid who gets carried away by trying to hit other kids. Those things are sharp!

Death by lawn darts is the 85th largest killer in the United States, next to frisbee decapitations. They’re so dangerous that they got banned in 1988.

Oh, I almost forgot...I give you Car Flavored Cheetos!!

Let the Idiots Kill Themselves

2005-03-28T11:35:00.000-08:00

Looks like there’s going to be an April shitstorm at the Arizona border. A bunch of anti- immigration civilians known as “the Minuteman Project” will be patrolling the US/ Mexican border starting April 4th.

“More than 1,000 volunteers are expected to take part in the Minuteman vigil, which will include civilian patrols along a 20-mile section of the San Pedro River Valley, which has become a frequent entry point to the United States for foreigner headed north.”- The Washington Times

But that alone doesn’t equal a shitstorm. This does…
“Members of a violent Central America-based gang have been sent to Arizona to target Minuteman Project volunteers - California and Texas leaders of Mara Salvatrucha, or MS-13, have issued orders to teach "a lesson" to the Minuteman volunteers.” - The Washington Times (read the full article)

Now MS-13 is an incredibly violent gang from El Salvador and Honduras. Most of their members are ex-guerilla fighters and they are on the rise in the US. It appears the anti- immigration assholes from the Minuteman Project have gotten themselves in a little pickle. Don’t get me wrong, I despise “patriotic” morons as much as I hate dickhead gang members. I hope they all kill each other.

Read more about this situation:
Washington Times
World Net Daily
Gringo Unleashed

Death Is Getting Pissed!

2005-03-23T13:36:00.000-08:00

Dear God,
What up nigga’? I know we haven’t seen eye to eye since I was about 7 years-old, but can you please kill a few of your followers for me? A bolt of lightening or a flood will do. The only one’s that need to be exterminated are those crazy ass pro-life/ right-to-life dumbfucks. They need to die because they keep fucking up your shit. I understand you’ve been expecting Terri for about 10 years now. These Christians are delaying the fucking process. The Grim Reaper called and he’s pissed too! So please God, if you do this I promise to change my beliefs from atheist to agnostic. I mean, it’s the least I can do. Thanks a lot! Oh, and if you have a chance, can you make George W. choke on another pretzel? Thanks God, you’re the best!
Love,
D. Dagger

Jesus supports this organization
<http://www.assistedsuicide.org/index.html

6 Reasons to Hate the Nuge

2005-03-22T16:40:00.000-08:00

Ted Nugent is the biggest asshole in the history of rock n’ roll. To even call his music rock is an insult to rock. So let me rephrase. The “Nuge” is the biggest asshole in all of white trash america. This statement is true for the following reasons:

#1- His music sucks. If “Cat Scratch Fever” is the best this cocksucker has to offer, then he ranks right up there with Ashley Simpson and Milli Vanilli. He still gloats about selling out shows in the 1970’s. Hey Teddy, that doesn’t mean shit. Look at New Kids on the Block, they sold out a ton of concerts and they sucked almost as much as you do.

#2- He kills animals with a bow and arrow. It’s bad enough fat fucking rednecks kill innocent animals with guns, but a bow and arrow? C’mon man, that’s like downgrading from a mobile home to a trailer. Hunting is for primates who haven’t evolved yet.

#3- He’s an ugly, almost fugly, looking creature who thinks women actually want him. I guess some do. Mainly the one’s with feathered hair, fat asses, fatter guts, no teeth, and who like to be treated like shit. I wouldn’t call the Nuge a sexist, because you need to be a little bit human for that. Growing up, my neighbor had a smelly dog that always used to hump the apple tree outside. That’s Ted.

#4- Apparently he’s a racist too according to a recent Live radio interview he did. Yeah, no surprise there. He even got dropped from a festival due to his “racial slurs”. He’s not even a dog, because even dogs have more respect and brains than that. So I’m gonna have to drop the Nuge to a rat now.

#5- In the late 60’s Jimi Hendrix offered him a joint and the Nuge supposedly declined because he was “straight”. What a fucking dickhead. If Jimi offered you a smoke, you fucking smoke. It was Jimi Hendrix for fucks sake. If Jimi said, “Hey Ted, suck my dick”, you’d better have said “how hard?”…That’s even admitting that Ted didn’t do drugs. His first band, the Amboy Dukes, put out a record with a bunch of pipes and such on the cover. It was called “Journey to the Center of the Mind”….remember, the Nuge was straight. About as straight as a fucking crack whore.

#6- Teddy has such a hard on for Dubya that he now lives in good ole’ Crawford, TexAss. Oh man, even rats aren’t Republican. Ted is now the equivalent to a cockroach. He’s an ugly, slimey, little fucking roach. And you know what we do when there’s a roach problem…we gas the fuckers!

Leaving the Line for the Nine

2005-03-21T16:39:00.000-08:00

It looks like The Icarus Line lost a key player. Maniac guitarist Aaron North quit the band and now plays in fucking Nine Inch Nails. Yeah, you heard right. That’s like upgrading from Keira Knightley to Angelina Jolie.

Aaron is the same dude who broke the glass case that held Stevie Ray Vaughans' guitar and tried to play it while performing at SXSW. Aaron's also the dude who threw a P.A. into the crowd at Sunset Junction. Word on the street is that Aaron was the first kid Michael Jackson "touched"....I'd be angry too. Here’s the interview he did for Blabbermouth.net

Sp1at.com: What is the status between you and THE ICARUS LINE?
Aaron North: "I quit the band. I was over it. I did not quit THE ICARUS LINE to join NINE INCH NAILS, I quit THE ICARUS LINE about a month before I started playing with NIN."

Sp1at.com: Have you heard the new NIN album, and if so, what are your favorite tracks?
Aaron North: "I have... and I'm not going to tell you. I will say that it is an amazing and inspiring record. Really fun stuff to play."

Sp1at.com: You piss on Robin Finck's shoes, according to Trent [Reznor]. What do you think of that?
Aaron North: "I don't know. It's apples and oranges. My style and approach to guitar is nothing like that dude's. I've only seen him play once... when my old band played a festival in Japan with GUNS N' ROSES... he seems like a great guitar player, but like i said, apples and oranges."

Good for him, but I wonder how will it affect the Icarus Line’s sound. Aaron definitely added a distinct freak-out element to the band both in the studio and on stage. Well kids, here’s a brand new Icarus Line song to rock out to while you ponder that question. It comes courtesy of a really awesome fansite called separatethesounds.com. Check it out.

The Icarus Line- Fashion Fever MP3

FUCK THE BORDER

2005-03-21T10:31:00.000-08:00

I live in California. I see the day laborers at Home Depot everyday. I see them on the corner selling fruit. I see them picking strawberries in the field. I see so-called illegal immigrants everywhere and I LIKE WHAT I SEE. I like seeing people coming here to work and support our economy. I like seeing people coming here to provide a better future for their children. What’s the big fucking deal? Health care? Diseases? Bullshit. These migrant workers put more into the economy than they take out. If all these republican assholes are worried about getting sick, then why not give money to eradicate diseases in South America and Mexico. All these mainly white conservatives think that California and America as a whole will turn into some “third world cesspool”. They claim to be patriots, but they are all just racists. Are Latinos not good enough to mow your fucking lawn now? Are they not good enough to wash your dishes or cook your food? Who’s gonna do all this shit? Who’s going to be the backbone of our economy? Certainly not the one’s who bitch and spout racist immigration propaganda. Not the one’s holding anti-day laborer rallies at Home Depot. Not the one’s filling the airwaves with hateful fear radio.

The solution is simple. Open up the border so human beings don’t have to die trying to get here. Give all immigrants work visas. Give them the necessary vaccinations. Have them pay for a government sponsored healthcare program. Let them come and let them work. It really is that easy, but conservatives will never agree with such a plan because it’s not about healthcare or diseases. The real problem is the color of their skin. It’s modern day segregation disguised as pro-american ideals.

This just in...

“The number of U.S. residents with Mexican backgrounds has increased by nearly 600,000 annually since 2000, with more than 80 percent of the new arrivals here with proper documentation, the Pew center estimated.”

You better run and hide in your trailer parks, because this is the future of America. If you don’t like it, then do the world a favor and kill yourself.

D. Dagger VS The Doomriders

2005-03-15T15:59:00.000-08:00

As you can tell by my last post, the creative juices here at the Dagger have reached an all time high. I hope at least one person found the Coco interview entertaining, but my goal was to make you vomit….Now it’s time for the rock and the roll!

I was perusing through Converge’s website and found this posting for a new rock/metal/thrash band called The Doomriders. I was almost sold on the band’s logo alone, but then I heard the music and almost shit my pants….okay, I did shit my pants. These songs rock in a sludgy thrashy Ride the Lightning kind of way. Kurt from Converge will be producing their record and it’s scheduled for a mid-2005 release on Deathwish Records. Here’s what the posting said about these kids:

“DOOMRIDERS are comprised of a stellar lineup featuring Nate Newton (CONVERGE, OLD MAN GLOOM), along with Jebb Riley (THERE WERE WIRES, DISAPPEARER), Chris Pupecki (CAST IRON HIKE), and Chris Bevalaqua (HALLRAKER). DOOMRIDERS wall of sound is the bastard child of Classic Rock, Death N' Roll and raging Skate Rock. With a majority of their songs Skate inspired, they push forth with a heaviness that brings to mind later era Entombed and Integrity, while their raw punk bursts conjure memories of the legendary JFA.”

I have to say, that’s a pretty accurate description. What do you think?
Doomriders- Fuck This Shit MP3

Doomriders- Ride or Die MP3

The Coco Interview

2005-03-14T12:08:00.000-08:00

Straight off her Best in Show victory in Birmingham, England, Coco aka Champion Cracknor Cause Celebre gives her first interview to D. Dagger Presents… Coca talks candidly about her victory, her 3 brand new babies, and what the future has in store for this beautiful well-spoken bitch. Coca flew me out to her 1,000 acre compound in scenic Malibu, CA. Coco lives in a beautiful DogCastle and we met on her gorgeous balcony over looking the majestic Pacific Ocean.

D. Dagger- Wow Coco, you have some spread here!
Coco- Thank you my dear, just watch out for the shit on the floor.

D. Dagger- Haha. Oh Coco, they told me you were a jokester.
Coco- No seriously, this place is covered in shit and piss. I’m a fucking dog you blind asshole….next question!

D. Dagger- How tough was the competition this year?
Coco- It was about as tough as watching a cat lick his asshole….yeah, not very. But I will say that Schnauzer was fucking huge. What was his name? Phil? That motherfucker scared the kibble outta me. I was like, “You got to be kidding, that mofo is the size of Texas”.

D. Dagger- Well Coco, you bring up an interesting topic. How rampant is steroid use amongst the pure breeds?
Coco- Steroid use? Who the fuck are you, Barbara Walters?! Haha, Hey everybody, we got fucking Martin Bashir over here….No, no my dim witted human friend, there isn’t any steroid use. That Schnauzer was strictly on growth hormones.

D. Dagger- Coco, I hate to break the news to you, but growth hormones are considered steroids.
Coco- Oh really? How did you get so fucking smart all of a sudden. What? Are you a PhD now, Physically Handicapped Dumbass?!...haha, I’m just messing with you dickhead. Of course there’s steroid use. Just look at my little girl over there. Her name is Apple, but she’s bigger than the fucking Big Apple. I’m afraid she’s gonna bite off my tit when I feed her, she drinks so much milk.

D. Dagger- How are your babies doing Coco?
Coco- Let me tell you something Dagger, don’t ever get one of these things. Talk about cramping my style. If it wasn’t for these little bitches, I’d be getting my groove on in some ghetto ass Hollywood club. I’d be licking Christal from P. Diddy’s ass crack. I’d be sniffing cocaine from Colin Farrell's cock….no, no, I’m joking. I love my Apple, my J. Edgar Hoover, and my America.

D. Dagger- How did you pick those names?
Coco- Well, Apple’s piss smells like apples. So that was a no brainer. J. Edgar Hoover is my little boy who likes to dress in drag. So that also, was a no brainer. And my girl America likes to start shit with the other pups and attack without any probable cause. Once again, a no brainer.

D. Dagger- I hear you will be retiring now. How does it feel to go out on a high note?
Coco- Well Dagger, I wasn’t really high until I got back to the limo. My best-friend Moses made some killer fucking pot-brownies. We all got so fucked up in the limo. I was sticking my ass out the window. It was out there for so long I think I actually got fucked up the ass at a red light.

D. Dagger- haha
Coco- No seriously shithead! My ass still bleeds when I take a dump. I think it was that little fucker Triumph or “Triumph The Insult Dog” like you stupid humans call him. He’s been trying to sniff my ass for 3 years now. I had to get a fucking restraining order against him….But anyway, that’s a different story for a different interview and I’m not that drunk yet.

D. Dagger- I heard you had an altercation backstage with India, the Belgian Shepherd.
Coco- Ah fuck! Where’s my fucking publicist??!! I specifically said, “No questions about that bitch India!” What are you? Deaf and dumb?

D. Dagger- I---I---I’m so sorry Coco. It totally slip….
Coco- Fuck you Dagger. This interview’s over! I said over, you fucking prick! Get the hell off my property before I bite your nuts off!!!!

Peek a Boo, Al Qaeda Sees You

2005-03-09T12:26:00.000-08:00

Those bastards!! They can blow up our buildings and kill our soldiers, but trying to kidnap our Hollywood stars is going way too far. I was shocked and awed when I heard that those evil terrorists were going to kidnap our beloved Russell Crowe as part of their sick "cultural destabilization plot.” And what if they accomplished this?! What would become of 30 Odd Foot of Grunts? Would they disband or go on the mysterious “hiatus”. And what about Crowe’s incredible film legacy?? Will there ever be another Romper Stomper? So many questions, so many scenarios. What if Al Qaeda and his crew decide to target Julia Roberts or Tom Hanks? TOM HANKS?! I loved him in The Terminal opposite Cathrine Zeta Jones. I would rather die in a nuclear holocaust than to live another day without our precious movie stars. To hell with terrorism! Long live media induced complacency and governmental sedation!

Paris Hilton says "Coachella is HOT"

2005-03-07T13:20:00.000-08:00

So Coachella is just around the corner and there are a few bands I wouldn’t mind seeing. Does this mean I’m gonna go? No fucking way mi amigo. I went the last 2 years and was fortunate enough to be in the VIP area. Now I know what you’re saying, “Only hipster cocksuckers go in the VIP area.” Call me what you want, but when everyone else was roasting in 103 degree temperatures and waiting in huge ass lines to piss and eat, I was under a shady tree sipping a free frosty alcoholic beverage and listening to some good music. But even in the pampered VIP area, Coachella was too unbearable. That sun, that hot ass motherfucking sun. And those tents, ahh those hot ass motherfucking sweaty tents. And the TRAFFIC, the long slower than shit motherfucking traffic....Yeah, fuck that noise.

Last year I heard Q and not U. I say heard because the tent was so packed that I was at the very back and the only thing I could do was hear that great D.C. band and smell stinky armpits. If I went on my tippy toes I saw glimpses of the band. It sucked because most of those chodes were there for Beck who was playing right after. So Coachella is no fun no matter who’s playing. The seeing good bands to being in the middle of the fucking desert ratio is way off. Plus you gotta add in the motel cost, gas, food, cigarettes….it’s just not worth it. I can’t believe people actually fly in for this shit. Go to Hawaii instead.

But just for shits and giggles, here’s who I would see if I was actually going.
Saturday, April 30th
Bauhaus
Cocteau Twins
Wilco
Snow Patrol
Sage Francis
Bloc Party
Mercury Rev
Fantomas
M83
MF Doom
Buck 65
The Chemical Brothers

Sunday, May 1st
Nine Inch Nails
New Order
Gang of Four
The Arcade Fire
Pinback
British Sea Power
The Fiery Furnaces
Autolux
The Futureheads
The Blood Brothers

Bands You Should Stay Away From at Coachella
Coldplay (the kings of bore rock)
Weezer (fucking break-up already. Pinkerton was good, but just end it kids)
Rilo Kiley (overrated)
Bright Eyes (I heard Conor is going to make all of Coachella fall asleep)
The Prodigy (the comeback everyone could care less about)
Thrice (Their tour manager tricked them into thinking it’s really the Warp Tour)
Stereophonics (this band is so awful it hurts. They’re huge in the UK though)
The Bravery (the newest from the “dance-punk” revival. Gang of Four is gonna school these pricks)
The Locust (hot, sweaty, and now 30 seconds of pure torture. The last band still playing power violence. Even Spazz thinks they’re lame.)

I Don't Feel So Old Anymore

2005-03-04T11:38:00.000-08:00

Is this a 125 year-old woman or is it Skeletor?

He-Man….ahh, those were the days. I had the biggest crush on She-Ra. Just look at her…she was so hot….But anyway, I know it’s mean to make fun of a 125 year-old woman. She looks nothing like Skeletor, but she does look like this guy.

In other news, the dude who co-wrote “God Save The Queen" and "Anarchy In The UK” and who was eventually replaced by Sid Vicious is now a big ole’ pussy. Glen Matlock, the former Sex Pistol is now a daddy and says the BBC should regulate swearing on British TV….What the fuck is right. Who does this asshole think he is? Hey Glen, you were in the fucking Sex Pistols. Stop being a little bitch and read to your kids if you don’t want them to grow up to be a prick like their daddy. The fucking nerve.

And finally, we all can sleep easier tonight. R. Gregory Stevens, who was the Republican media advisor, was found dead at Princess Leia's house. Sources say Luke Skywalker killed him when he found out Stevens was actually working for the Dark Side. Read the full story here.

Coffee with Meg and Iggy

2005-03-01T12:33:00.000-08:00

I saw Co ffee and Cigarettes the other day and what a fucking bore fest that was. The premise is having a bunch of schmoes talking about stupid shit at a café while drinking coffee and (you guessed it) smoking cigarettes. The first segment had Roberto Benigni and Steven Wright chit chatting. What a great way to start a movie! Let’s have one dude from Italy where you can’t understand a word he’s saying and some “comic” from NYC who’s as exciting as a nun in a whorehouse….So yeah, this flick lost me within the first 5 minutes. But there were some classic moments that weren’t supposed to be funny.

The first was the Jack and Meg White segment. I forgot what it was about because I was so fixated on Meg. I have always said the only thing that girl has going for her is her big knockers. Other than that she has always struck me as a drummer with slight retardation. But have you ever seen this chicks’ teeth?? Oh man, that shit is priceless. Once she opens her mouth she looks like a short bus kid from some east European shithole country…fucking horrific. And then there’s her acting. How shall I put this….okay, got it! The bitch can’t act. And furthermore, Jack is a total dork who fucked Renée Zellweger…ewee is right. I heard that chick did the sucky sucky to get to the toppy toppy.

And the other hilarious segment was the one with the great Iggy Pop and the okay Tom Waits (I’ve never been a huge fan of his, so whateva). Now I love Iggy, no, no, I LOVE IGGY. I mean this is the dude who set the blueprint for punk rock when he was with The Stooges. Iggy is a legend, but Iggy can’t act. I would say stick to music, but after that last record (where he had those chodes from Sum 41 do two songs with him) I’m gonna haveta go with RETIRE FROM ALL MEDIA. Iggy had a great run, but now it’s time to end it, or at least do another Stooges record.

As for Tom Waits, well Tom is a badass and I don’t wanna say anything mean. If he wasn’t a musician who smoked too much, he’d probably be a mechanic who smoked too much.

So the moral of this post is that retards and guys named Iggy can’t act, but they can make you laugh. And isn’t that why we all wake up in the morning?!

Shit Talking and the God of Death

2005-02-27T00:21:00.000-08:00

I was looking through some old zines today and came across this crazy classified ad. It was in a 10 year-old issue of Maximum Rock N’ Roll (yeah, I was so punk). Here’s what it said:

“Hey motherfucker, remember me? I’m the dude who’s fucking your ex-girlfriend. Ouch, that hurt didn’t it? I bet you still want her real bad, don’t you? I bet you still jack off thinking about her. Well guess what pinky dick? She’s sucking my cock now and taking it up the ass. If I see you around here again, I’m gonna bend you over and make you my bitch”

Woah man, that dude was fucking INSANE!!!

In other events I found this card in my Froot Loops this morning.

I researched it and discovered its “Yama” the Hindu God of Death. I wonder if Toucan Sam is trying to tell me something….Seriously though, how strange is that? I’m thinking about calling Kellogg’s and finding out if they have any crazy Hindu's working for them….Weird.

To Serve Korn (It's a Cookbook!!!)

2005-02-23T09:52:00.000-08:00

Oh man, this shit is funny. Some dipshit guitarist from Korn is leaving the band because he found “God”. Once your band members are jumping ship for God, I think it might be time to end it. I mean Korn has never been more irrelevant then they are now. The only people still listening to Bro-Metal live in Nebraska or some other equally backwards ass hick state.

The only thing I can say to Korn is “God” can’t save you now brah. You guys signed that deal…no, that contract with the Devil and you can’t go back on your word now. El Diablo promised you ass clowns success. Don’t cry because it was only limited success. Even the Devil can’t make frat boys listen to that crap any longer than 2 years. You, Limp Biscuit, Linkin Park….all you fuckheads better make good on your promise to Mr. Pitchfork. He wants your pathetic souls and no religious deity is gonna save your ass.

Anyway, you can read the full story below if you care. It was reported in CNN….CNN? Is Korn still considered news? Whateva.

Korn guitarist finds God, leaves band
NEW YORK (Billboard) -- Korn guitarist Brian "Head" Welch has parted ways with the hard rock act, citing a recent religious awakening.

Welch broke the news Sunday on Bakersfield, California, station KRAB-FM.
"I had it in my heart to come here and explain to you," Welch said. "I'm good friends with Korn. I love those guys, and they love me, and they're very happy for me."

Addressing the aggressive tone of the music he made with Korn, Welch said, "Anger is a good thing, and if kids want to listen to Korn, good, but there's happiness after the anger. I'm going to show it through my actions how much I love my fans."

Welch added that he would be appearing at a local church on February 27, during which time he would "speak (about) how I got to this place in my life, and I'll answer all your questions."

On its official Web site (http://www.korn.com), Korn's remaining members said they respect Welch's wishes and hope "he finds the happiness he is searching for." The group is in the studio working on a new album, due in September, which will be its first since fulfilling its contract with Epic last year.

For now, no replacement for Welch has been named, nor has a new label home for the band.

The Perfect Time to Get High

2005-02-22T13:48:00.000-08:00

With all the rain in Los Angeles, it was the perfect weekend to just chill. My wife and I fucked a lot and smoked even more. Life is so much better when you’re high. We watched that Chris Cunningham DVD. He’s the dude who did that creepy Aphex Twin “Come to Daddy” video. I highly recommend renting this and watching it totally stoned out of your mind. That Madonna video he did will equally blow your mind. Cunningham is a truly disturbed individual.

Click image to watch the trailer

I also listened to Bluebird’s “Black Presence” CD. I have always been a huge Bluebird fan, but I never really dug this album. This is because I was never stoned while listening to it. The entire record is free form instrumental stoner rock ala Desert Sessions. It’s very atmospheric and jammy and I don’t know why I never gave this disc a second chance sooner. Bluebird was a great band and I hated to see them break up last year. You should buy all of their shit here or here. Next week I'll put up some Bluebird MP3's.

And getting baked this past weekend was also a good way to pay respect to Hunter S. Thompson. There will never be another journalist like him, and YES he was a journalist. You should watch Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas a smoke a fat bowl for him. Why can’t people like Eminem die?

Click image to listen to Ben Fong-Torres (of Rolling Stone) talk about Hunter on NPR. HUNTER S. THOMPSON- R.I.P.

Foxes are the real Terrorists

2005-02-18T09:22:00.000-08:00

It’s not that I don’t like conservatives or their views, it’s that I hate them! Too many liberals are subdued and cordial. It’s time we take a fucking stand! I believe that you can be Christian, conservative, and homophobic. I believe in freedom, even if it’s the freedom to be a complete right-wing asshole. My main problem with conservatives comes when they try to force their beliefs on everyone else. If you wanna be pro-life and totally mind fucked by Jesus, then that’s your deal. But don’t try to bring your faith into the political realm. What happened to separation of church and state?

Another thing about conservatives is that they lie or bend the truth to support their arguments. As we see with George W., facts, truth, and common sense isn’t required in the decision making process. Just look at Fox “News” and that fuckface Bill O’Reilly. They report a little news (maybe 10% is actual news), but the majority of their content is right-wing lies. O’Reilly lies on a daily basis and its scary how many people take him seriously. The real terrorists are people like him. But don’t take my word for it, see for yourself.

CLICK O'REILLY'S UGLY MUG FOR THE PROOF

Check out these links…
http://www.parisbusinessreview.net/
http://www.outfoxed.org/

The Special Olympics of Award Shows

2005-02-14T09:48:00.000-08:00

Last night I watched Stanley Kubrick’s Barry Lyndon and those were 3 hours well spent. So how many of you wish you had the 3 or 4 hours back that you wasted watching the Grammy Awards? Did you really think this year’s show would be any different? The same talent-less “artists”, the same self congratulatory bullshit, the same boring Pop music performances. I didn’t have to see last nights horror show to know that it was gonna suck. The only thing the Grammy’s did was further pollute the environment with the carbon monoxide from all the SUV’s and limo’s that trekked to the Staples Center. Okay, okay maybe I’m not being fair. The Grammy’s also polluted the world with bad music and over-inflated egos.

How can an industry as dead as the music industry still manage to muster up an award show? I guess most people are content with mediocrity. I guess they’re content with dying. Even if you deserved an award (like Wilco), why the fuck would you want it?? It’s like getting one of those gold or platinum records. Big fucking deal. It’s just greedy industry suits thanking you for making them money (or at least, trying to make them money).

In all honesty, I hate Pop music. It’s mass marketed contrived audio shit that serves no purpose other than to make a profit and be the background beat to other Pepsi commercial. And mainstream Hip Hop is just the same. Don’t even get me started on Green Day and “punk rock”. Punk is dead. Punk = Pop music, but "edgier for the younger crowd". It’s all just marketing. There are actually a few mainstream bands that have talent and deserve their limited success. Radiohead instantly comes to mind. That band is genius and a rarity amongst clones and one hit wonders.

So the Grammy’s will never be taken seriously by me or anyone else that knows better. It’s a 3-4 hour comedy show and Mad TV could never do justice to the real deal.

Stewart is funnier than God!!

2005-02-09T11:28:00.000-08:00

Click the above picture to watch Jon Stewart go at it with some CNN "journalists". This is proof that Stewart is a comical genius and one of the best social commentators of our generation, next to David Cross. Watch this and prepare to laugh your ass off.

You might be a snob.

2005-02-07T13:04:00.000-08:00

Not too long ago I was a pretentious indie rock snob. But then I met my beautiful wife who showed me (after a long period of time) that there’s more to life then being a hipster dick. Who gives a shit what other people like or don’t like musically. And who was I to judge? How dare I become so self-righteous that I thought other people were lesser than me because they listened to certain bands. It’s so adolescent and so incredibly irrelevant in the greater scheme of things.

So I decided to make a snob check list. If you can relate to 2 or more of these, then you my friend are an asshole. But there is hope for you. All you have to do is get that chip off your shoulder and realize that music is a personal choice. You have no right to mock or ridicule other people because of their personal preference. Yes, (in my opinion) there are ton’s of shitty bands out there. I'm not saying not to make fun of those bands, but just don't be a dick to somebody who happens to like those bands. Who knows, you might even turn them on to some great music. We all, at one time, were musically retarded.

You might be a indie rock snob if….

You tell people they don’t have a record collection if they don’t own certain records.

You act like you never wore a trucker hat.

You only go to shows if you’re on the guest list.

You talk shit about certain bands being overrated while wearing a Strokes t-shirt.

You judge people on what they like and don’t like.

The word elitist makes you feel special.

All your friends agree with everything you say.

You find the most obscure bands to reference the sound of a new band.

You think you know-it-all when it comes to EVERYTHING.

You refuse to go to a festival unless you get VIP passes

You talk about supporting bands by not downloading music, but then buy most of your CD’s used. So you’re actually supporting the record store, not the bands.

You talk about supporting bands, but get most of your CD's free because you work in the “industry”.

You were ridiculed in high school, and now you wanna get back at the world with your superior knowledge on music.

And finally, you might be a indie rock snob if you think the world actually cares about what you like, what you wear, or how you act.

Worst Movie Ever

2005-01-26T13:15:00.000-08:00

Rented "The Village" last night. It is seriously one of the worst movies out there. The dialogue was awful and the acting was even worse. The twist at the end was totally expected and weak to say the least. M. Night Shyamalan is a good storyteller, but he lacks any good stories. His early films were great, but after that shitfest "Signs" he kind of just fell apart. I don't think he can ever top "The 6th Sense", but yet he tries with every film he does. "The Village" turns up the suck meter to 10+. Recommend this movie to everyone you despise and loathe.

Brown Bunnies

2005-01-24T10:16:00.000-08:00

I like to think I have good taste in film. My favorite movie of all time is Pulp Fiction and I’ve been known to quote it spontaneously from time to time. But sometimes my taste ventures toward the absurd, disgusting, and utterly depressing. I saw “Irréversible” just because I heard there was a 15 minute scene where Monica Bellucci gets raped up the ass in a tunnel by a gay pimp. It was so brutal and I liked it because it pushed the boundaries of film. The viewer was forced to watch that long drawn out scene. Talk about uncomfortable. There was also that graphic scene where some dude gets his head smash by a fire extinguisher. What I'm saying is fuck taboos. Fuck the scared cow. We are too constrained by prudish social norms. I believe in art freedom. But then again, there’s also a fine line between art and porn.

Screw porn (pun intended). Porn is for losers who live in trailer parks and have “sex” with blow up dolls. Porn is alright for women though (that’s right, someone had to say it)….But anyway, an example of a movie trying to push the boundaries, but falling into the porn category would be “Caligula”. Is this an artistic endeavor or porn? Fuck if I know. I rented it from Netflix, but my wife (who has a degree in Film Studies) watch it before I got home and immediately mailed it back after watching 20 minutes of fist fucking, sodomy, orgies, etc.. I respect her opinion that “Caligula” was nothing more than a big budget porn. I don’t think Malcolm McDowell ever recovered from that…oh no wait, he was Mr. Roarke in the “Fantasy Island” made for TV remake. He still has it baby!

So is it art or porn when Chloë Sevigny gives Vincent Gallo a BJ in “Brown Bunny”? Since it’s supposed to be a real act, I’m going to have to go with PORN. Hey Chloë, it’s called acting not dick sucking. That chick thinks she’s so artsy. Just because she’s a social butterfly in the New York art scene and dates that dude from A.R.E. Weapons, doesn’t mean everything she does is art. And Vincent Gallo likes to think he’s some cutting edge genius, but he’s really just a pretentious hack. He reminds me of Tony Kaye (the dude who did American History X). He made one good movie, got a big head, and now he thinks he’s some crazy mastermind like Kubrick. The difference is that Kubrick made many great movies.

So will I see “Brown Bunny”? Absolutely, because there’s only one way to decide if it has any merit. I doubt that it does, but at least I can have a good laugh.

The Blue States A Cometh

2005-01-20T13:55:00.000-08:00

I believe in a divided America. I believe all the “red states” can go suck a fuck and secede from the rest of the country. They can take that retarded war-monger of a president too. Howard Dean can be our man in office. Everyone would back us. The French, the Canadians, fuck man, even the Mexicans would say “Hola, fuck Bush!”. The only partner the Red States of America would have would be…you guessed it, the fucking British! I love their music, but besides that…fuck ‘em.

The Blue States of America stands for equality for everybody, including the much unincluded gay community. Everyone may get married regardless of gender. Health care would be provided for everyone. Healthcare includes ABORTIONS, so scram Billy Gram. If you’re a soldier in Iraq and you live in a Blue State, you may leave the war. Shit, if you live in a Red State, you can leave the war too (just move to a Blue state when you come home- for your own safety).

What will the Red States be like? Just like it is now, but with more racism, homophobia, country music, rodeos, police brutality, steak, war, and of course way more brainless christian propaganda. Basically it will be just like Texass.

In the Blue States, our way rules. If you live in the outskirts of a Blue State and have Red State beliefs, then you can move out or shut the fuck up and convert.

We are the future!! LA, NYC, Chicago, Seattle….we’re taking over and we have the best cities, music, film, art, fashion, and PEOPLE. I’m not going to compromise. I want our nation under YOUR god (or no god) to stand for truth, liberty, and freedom (for a change).

Fuck Bush and fuck you if you voted for him.

Best of 2004

2005-01-12T17:05:00.000-08:00

2004 saw me get married, get a new job, and get the fuck out of the sticks (aka Ontario). But 2004 also had some decent music. What was popular this year?? Funky dance punk, more new wave revival, and of course the nu-folk. I don't quite get Devendra Banhart, Iron and Wine, etc.. I mean, I get it musically, but I just don't "get it". Artsy for the sake of artsy. There's a lot of music that I didn't get a chance to pick up this year that I heard was great, but that's just going to make 2005 all the better.

So click the bands name to buy the record and
here's my toast (and roast) to 2004...

Death From Above 1979- "You're a Woman, I'm a Machine" (vice)
What can I say about this band. They fucking rock! I've been tracking these Canadian maniacs since their "Heads Up" EP. That was back when they were just Death From Above, back before DFA Records got such a hard on for these guys...But anyway, I knew they were headed for great things and this CD (their first full length) does not disappoint. 1 bassist + 1 drummer + a little synth = stripped down, sexy, sleazy, confrontational rock n' roll. Don't let the fact that Kelly Osborne is letting the drummer touch her tuna hole ruin your opinion on this band. These guys aren't Hollywood approved pussy Strokes clones. This is dirty, very very dirty. And you should be dirty too. Buy it now!

The Icarus Line- "Penance Soiree" (V2)
Those shit talkers in the Icarus Line are backing up their shit. "Penance Soiree" is angry, pretentious, care free, loud, fuzzed out, freaked out, and (like Death From Above) very dirty. There's a lot of reference's on this CD. The Jesus and Mary Chain, The Stooges, Big Black, The Jesus Lizard, and even a little Stone Roses. The Icarus Line can pull it off because they think they're the greatest band in the world. That's a bold statement, but logic like that has always produced great albums. Too bad so many people get turned off to this band because of the Buddyhead connection. But just because it's their loss, doesn't mean it has to be yours. Buy this now!

Q and Not U- "Power" (Dischord)
After the success of their last effort "Different Damage", these DC boys had a lot to live up to. I've heard a lot of motherfuckers say that Q and Not U are jumping on the dance punk bandwagon with "Power". Sure there's some dance beats and Gang of Four swagger, but there's also a lot of experimentation and originality. Most of the CD takes you on a journey down weird hallways and lets you meet creepy characters. The dance tracks just book end the strangeness of it all. This CD injects itself into your arm and festers inside your head with political ideas and left-wing thought. "Power" is pushing the limits on what's considered "indie".

Starflyer 59- "I am the Portuguese Blues" (Tooth & Nail)
This CD is new, but not new is the sense of being forward thinking. This is a fun release for the band. A chance to let their guts hang out and just have fun playing rock. It's a good way to ease the expectations of topping their last incredible CD, "Old". These songs are catchy, fun, and totally tongue in cheek.

TV on the Radio- "Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes" (Touch & Go)
I got hooked on this band when I got the "Young Liars" EP. I thought these Brooklyn boys were fantastic. Their sound was fresh, young, and accomplished. Then "Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes" came out and I had such high expectations. For the most part I wasn't disappointed. The album does loose stream towards the end, but this shit is ten times better than a lot of CD's released in '04. You need to own this.

DISAPPOINTMENTS
The Catheters- "Howling...It Grows and Grows!!!" (Sub Pop)
More like "Howling....It Sucks and Sucks!". Man, I just don't understand. How can a band release such a great fucking CD ("Static Delusions and Stone-Still Days"), then follow up with a half-assed, forced, bland, uncreative excuse for a record? No, tell me. I really wanna know. "Static Delusions..." hit the listener like a train with LOUD intense rock that SCREAMED fucking raw power. This record is just like that, but minus anything that remotely has to do with rock. "Howling..." is soooooo repetitive. It's like elevator rock. Yes, that's exactly how to describe The Catheters new CD....Elevator Rock! They just invented a new genre and it's an insult to elevator music everywhere. What a shame that their final release was such a bummer.

RETRACTION, 3-22-05
I initially had the new Hot Snakes record pegged as a disappointment of 2004. But after recent listenings, I have concluded that "Audit in Progress" is a decent CD. Not their best, but it's not as bad as I made it out to be. I guess I wasn't feeling it at the time. The Hot Snakes rock, I suck. End of fucking story.
Hot Snakes- "Audit in Progress" (Swami)
So the Hot Snakes are the great indie/ rock uber group who can do no wrong. Right? After 2002's incredible "Suicide Invoice" I really believed that The Hot Snakes could collectively and individually rape my family and I would be okay with that. In my eyes, they could do no wrong. Well, with "Audit in Progress" these guys did some wrong. It just doesn't flow as well as their last effort. There's a few stand out tracks, but the majority of the songs just blend together and scream of artistic block. And believe me, I really wanted to like this record. But alas, It will only prevent the other 2 Hot Snakes CD's in my music collection from being accidentally placed in the Hot Water Music or Hot Cross pile. Audit in Progress in deed.